Canadian Jokes

schwantz · **Posted:** Sat Dec 07, 2002 1:21 pm

CANADIAN JOKE # 1 After the North American Beer Festival, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him. The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one. The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it. The guy from Molson sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered. The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask, "Why aren't you drinking a Molson's?" The Molson president replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I. CANADIAN JOKE #2 A Canadian is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm. His friend Doug stops him and asks, "Hey Bob! Whatcha get the case of beer for?" "I got it for my wife, eh." answers Bob. "Oh!" exclaims Doug, "Good trade." CANADIAN JOKE #3 An Ontarian wanted to become a Newfie. He went to the neurosurgeon and asked, "Is there anything you can do to me that would make me into a Newfie?". "Sure it's easy." replied the neurosurgeon. "All I have to do is cut out 1/3 of your brain, and you'll be a Newfie." He was very pleased, and immediately underwent the operation. However, the neurosurgeon's knife slipped, and instead of cutting 1/3 of the patient's brain, the surgeon accidentally cut out 2/3 of the patient's brain. He was terribly remorseful, and waited impatiently beside the patient's bed as the patient recovered from the anesthetic. As soon as the patient was conscious, the neurosurgeon said to him "I'm terribly sorry, but there was a ghastly accident. Instead of cutting out 1/3 of your brain, I accidentally cut out 2/3 of your brain." The patient replied "Qu'est-ce que vous avez dit, monsieur?" CANADIAN JOKE #4 Did you hear about the war between Newfoundland and Nova Scotia? The Newfies were lobbing hand grenades; the Nova Scotians were pulling the pins and throwing them back. CANADIAN JOKE #5 In Canada, we have two seasons...six months of winter and six months of poor snowmobiling. CANADIAN JOKE #6 One day an Englishman, an American, and a Canadian walked into a pub together. They proceeded to each buy a pint of Labatt Blue. Just as they were about to enjoy their beverages, three flies landed in each of their pints. The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust

. The American fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing happened. The Canadian picked the fly out of his drink and started shaking it over the pint, yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!" CANADIAN JOKE #7 A Quebecer, staying in a hotel in Edmonton phoned room service for some pepper. "Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge. "Toilette pepper!" yelled the Quebecer. CANADIAN JOKE #8 An American, a Scot and a Canadian were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened. "Well," said the American, "I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St.Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and said that for a donation of $50, we could return to earth. So of course I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $50, and the next thing I knew I was back here." That's amazing!" said the one of the doctors, "But what happened to the other two?" "Last I saw them," replied the American, "the Scot was haggling over the price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay his."

The Hookster · **Joined:** Mon Jun 17, 2002 2:17 pm **Posts:** 95

Too Cool. ROTFLMAO "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!" Hook

Hermskii · **Posted:** Sat Dec 07, 2002 7:47 pm

And we finally have a winner. Why can't Jester tell jokes like those? hehehe Hermskii

Jester · **Joined:** Wed Jul 17, 2002 8:28 pm **Posts:** 112

i hate you to hermy

a nameless entity · **Posted:** Sat Dec 07, 2002 8:12 pm

You got that right. Tell me about it. Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah! <img src=http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/laugh.gif ALT=":lol">

Mahatma · **Posted:** Sat Dec 07, 2002 9:01 pm

LMAO!!! I like that wife joke. The question is: was he carrying a case of Molson??? Let's Rock! M

Iceman · **Posted:** Sun Dec 08, 2002 7:23 am

All the provinces joined together but they still did not have a name for their fledgling country. Some of the provinces wanted to name the country after their province or a town in it. Still other provinces wanted to name it after a famous person. Finally a compromise was reached. The newly elected prime minister would draw letters out of a hat and read the letter so it could be recorded. The first letter was chosen. The PM held it up for everyone to see and said out loud "C eh". The second letter was chosen, and again the letter was held up and the PM exclaimed "N eh" The next letter was chosen, held up for everyone to seeand the PM once again read the letter "D eh" Ok not the best joke in the world but it sounds a whole lot better done verbally anyway. Edited by: <A HREF=http://pub44.ezboard.com/bschwantzsredeemerarenaserver.showUserPublicProfile?gid=iceman@schwantzsredeemerarenaserver>Iceman</A> at: 12/8/02 6:25:27 am

Canadian Jokes

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