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Okay. Where to begin?
As I stated earlier, I have been either atheist or agnostic from around age 17 until now. I am almost 35. I grew up in a situation that allowed me to make my own decisions about religion. I have ALWAYS been a huge fan of science. One of my biggest heroes growing up was Carl Sagan. Remember Cosmos? It fascinated and thrilled me.
Now one day, when I was in my early teens, a powerful feeling came over me. I was sure that I wanted to be a preacher when I grew up. The feeling was overwhelming. I told this to my best friend. He was really not too thrilled with it. Don't know why really. I soon abandoned the idea when my attention turned to girls and drinking.
Skip forward a few years. In my mid to late teens, I was a party animal. Every Friday I would be puking drunk. Sometimes I would wake up in a field somewhere with cattle grazing around me... Other times, I would drive home hoping that the middle set of oncoming headlights were the ones actually attached to the car coming at me. It was during this time that I decided that God may not really exist. I used science as an excuse, but really it was because I was looking for an out to party as much as possible.
A few years ahead. I had gone to college while my best friend that I refer ed to previously had joined the army. He had graduated from boot camp and was home for the weekend. I was also home for the weekend from school. We determined that the only way to celebrate this was to get hammered. We had a friend purchase the beer, and pro ceded to get smashed and go out looking for the babes. During this time, I made the moves on a friend of mine. She was a beauty, and in the end, I made an ASS of myself. I felt badly about this and it ruined my night. The last thing I remembered was taking off my shoes and going to sleep on my friends couch.
I woke up in the hospital being interviewed by a State Highway Patrolman. I had glass embedded in my head and could not think straight, Turns out that I had decided to go and apologize to the girl that I had been so dumb to. I was sitting in a driveway of another girl (I later learned her father was coming after me with a rifle). I was headed home when I ran my Renault Alliance off the road, down a 25 foot embankment and into a tree. I was lucky to have survived, as the engine of the car was pushed into the drivers compartment.
Still reading? This will make sense in a bit.
Flash forward 5 years later. I had just broke up with the love of my life. Her name was Susan. I wanted to marry her. She was recently divorced and swore she never wanted to marry again. I was okay with that, but she felt that she was holding me back. She dumped me. I was crushed. I went into work that night a mess. A preacher that worked there invited me to pray with my friends. I did. When we prayed, I felt this IMMENSE warmth from head to toes, and a peace that I can not describe. That was a defining moment in my life, but later I just dismissed it as a physiological response instead of what it truly was. I was still atheist. I believed science could explain everything.
I believed this until...
Flash forward to present day. I work with a Baptist Minister. We live close to each other and one day, we decided to carpool. Now this is odd. How could a preacher and a staunch atheist get along enough to carpool? During these times, we would discuss our beliefs. I would state that there is not a God and he would give me reasons why he believed that there was. We both enjoyed these discussions, because we never argued. We simply exchanged information. Also during this time, I started noticing things. On the radio station that I listen to, there was a church advertising. I only heard it once. I listen to a rock station that plays things like Metallica, 9 Inch Nails, and Tool. Not the kinda station you would expect to hear a church advertise on. Also, I downloaded a program from Azurius called The Final Days. I had no idea why I did, I just did. It is about the times ahead, and prophesy, from a Christian viewpoint. I watched it, and something just clicked in my brain.
Just a little more. Keep reading.
I could never understand why God, knowing everything, could create us. Then punish us when we did wrong. Did he not know that Adam and Eve would choose Knowledge over Life? If so, then how could He punish them?
How could God condemn us to an eternity of punishment? Is this a loving God?
Why did God create Lucifer if he knew he would rise against God?
These questions and others had always been a cornerstone for my atheist belief. I just could not fathom it. While watching the video, it all became clear to me. God gave me the answer that was so simple that I started to weep. The answer was not in the video. It just came to me. I believe it is called an epiphany. I have always considered myself a smart person. In that moment, I realized that I was so ignorant to have not seen the answers before. Then, I asked God to come into my heart and help me to learn more about how the world REALLY is, was, and will be. I know now that I am a baby. I have a lot to learn, and that excites me to no end.
Notice that I did not give the answer to the questions above. This is on purpose. I feel that you should find those answers yourself, just as I had to. I hope and pray that you can. I hope and pray that you may already know the answers. I believe that you do. Just look deep within your heart.
I know that God saved my life on the night of my car accident. I was not wearing a seat belt. I should be dead. I know that God was putting everything out there for me to see. I just rejected Him. I also feel that this was my final chance. God gave me the knowledge that I was seeking. If I had not taken it, I feel that I would be lost. I took it.
Over the past week, I have felt a peace within that I have NEVER had before. I now see the world differently. The beauty of creation is now apparent to me. I pray that it is that way for you as well, Vinnie. I pray that it is for you all.
I am sorry for the long post. There is so much more that I would love to tell you. Let me just end by saying that all you have to do is ask the Lord to come into your heart. That is all. If you are sincere, then the rest will become apparent to you.
I believe.
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